Toxic friendships - the importance of surrounding yourself with good people

July 24, 2017
Do you have one of those friends? The one who only contacts if you have something she needs, then drops off the face of the planet...again! The one who forgets to ask you how you are, and, when she does it’s only because she’s fishing, making a comparison, and probably checking in that her life is matching up to, or exceeding yours! The one who just blows you out at the last minute with a terrible excuse.

Well, I did, and if like me it’s likely you’ve invested some time (loads of time) into this friendship over the months or years. Most likely you’ve had a good old giggle, shared some good memories, heck even shared tears together. So what do you do when that bright shining friendship takes a nose dive, for no reason at all, and leaves you feeling like utter crap?

Having been there myself, having been that mug who always responds, always make the time, always makes the extra effort when she demands. And, having found out the hard way how much hurt this type friendship can cause, I’m sharing my 3 things you can do now, to help you get through or over that shitty friendship. Because you deserve better!


Take a moment to look at your other friendships. This is important. Do you have this trouble with other friends? If you answered yes, then maybe taking a step back and evaluating how and why is your first step. But, if like me, you answer with a big fat NO, then good for you!! Take comfort in the fact it’s not you, it’s them, really! Trust in that! If you’ve given this friendship everything and that friend is firmly parking in ‘one-way street’, then leave her there, she's a pollution cloud in your life you just don’t need.

Disconnect. When you are ready to do this, disconnect. It took me a while to admit the friendship isn’t really worth it; I hung on to the times she would get back in contact, cleared my plans for the day so we could hang out, eat cake, drink coffee, only to get cancelled on, again! Honestly, my husband and I would have bets on whether or not she would cancel at the last minute. In the fortunate times that our meeting ups would work out, I would leave feeling zapped of energy. Noticing that our conversations were full of her asking many questions like, How much do you have saved? What projects do you have going on? What’s the 5-year plan? It often felt more like an interview and was rarely filled with general chit chat. The more I noticed this, the more distance I began to feel. Allowing a friend to continuously hurt and let you down, compare, fish and drain you of positivity and chi, is well, crap. So, when you're ready, disconnect, from messages, social media, etc. After all, she’s blanked you on many occasions so she probably won’t notice. As my husband says a clean break is always best!

Allow yourself to grieve. This might sound ridiculous but it’s not. Losing an important friendship is upsetting. Perhaps it’s gone altogether, or perhaps its status has diminished from ‘best friend’ to ‘someone that I used to know’’. Either way, allow yourself to go through the process of being upset. Go, sob your face off, if you need to do that, but recognise that a friendship, without mutual respect and value, is a fake friendshit that is way more hurtful than helpful.

Be a good friend to yourself, don't be part of her drama. True friends value you, always.

Toxic friendships - the importance of surrounding yourself with good people

1 comment:

  1. This is so true! Disconnecting is hard but will be so much better in the long run. Good post!


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